I have neglected this blog.

And I really hate doing that but I don't like having two different blogs either.
But I guess I have this blog to write stuff about Joneil that I don't want him to know about
since he reads my livejournal..or I think he does.


But just to be safe, I'll ramble here.

We broke up a few nights ago.
Just because it wasn't working out and I couldn't handle it the way we were.
We got into a big fight.
I went to Ocean City, came back
and it was still pretty bad.

Overall, I think it really was for the best.
I feel better now. Not as great as I'd like to be but a lot better.

Things bothering me? :
-I guess I still get jealous at him talking to girls I'm pretty sure he's attracted to


How do I know he talks to these girls...?

...damn you facebook.

Ignorance is bliss
that's why I must stop snooping.


Aside from that, I'm always telling myself in my head that I really don't care about him anymore

Psshh, I could give a shit less about him...RIGHHTT..thats why you're still thinking about him now..

And I can't deny it. I do think about him a lot from time to time but at least I'm not sad and depressed thinking about him.


Also...I'm not really sure but I think my friend who I treat like my brother hit on me o.o
He said "we should hook up when I get back to Virginia. Our moms would be so happy"

and I wasn't really sure what to say to that..considering he just turned 18 and thats definitely illegal.


ohh well, not like I'm ready for another relationship.
I really don't think I am or was either.
To me, finally being ready for a relationship is knowing what I want
& I simply do not know what I want

That doesn't work, does it?
It's almost 3 am now and I plan to wake up early, go for a run to 'condition' for field hockey then go to work

soooo, I think I'll end my rambling and go to sleep :)