"Have you found joy in your life?"
"Yes"

"Has your life brought joy to others?"
"I..don't know. Go ask them"


I think that is exactly how I would answer those questions, haha.


ps: I had two dreams about Joneil last night

and my cousin was watching a movie on tv yesterday and ironically, the only thing I heard from it was "I can't stop thinking about my ex."


I don't know what he's trying to do to me. Is he doing this purposely? and why is he telling me all these things? It's unnecessary because it only upsets me but I have nothing to do with any of it.

Sometimes I wonder why some people treat me the way they do.
Do I treat them so badly and unfairly as well?




Maybe it's just because I'm a bad person.
I really need to better myself then.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY COUSIN, JAMIE! :D

I got the day off work again and I won't have work until monday because the gas pipe is still broken!

So I went home, real home, and then went to tysons with my cousins :)
I had $59 to begin with and ended with $11 dollars.
I bought a video game costing $10 for Jamie's birthday.
Chipotle, subway, starbucks, flip flops, and a planner :D

I've been wanting a planner for some time since I know I'm going to be pretty busy in the fall.
It has a calendar and can work as a journal tooo!

I saw Jansen, Marc, and Trang at tysons tooo.
We were walking around A LOTT

and I saw the cutest wedges at PAYLESS =)
I love bargains...although those shoes were freaking $19.99
-____-


Maybe another day



Today was good, hopefully it'll end good toooo.

I have neglected this blog.

And I really hate doing that but I don't like having two different blogs either.
But I guess I have this blog to write stuff about Joneil that I don't want him to know about
since he reads my livejournal..or I think he does.


But just to be safe, I'll ramble here.

We broke up a few nights ago.
Just because it wasn't working out and I couldn't handle it the way we were.
We got into a big fight.
I went to Ocean City, came back
and it was still pretty bad.

Overall, I think it really was for the best.
I feel better now. Not as great as I'd like to be but a lot better.

Things bothering me? :
-I guess I still get jealous at him talking to girls I'm pretty sure he's attracted to


How do I know he talks to these girls...?

...damn you facebook.

Ignorance is bliss
that's why I must stop snooping.


Aside from that, I'm always telling myself in my head that I really don't care about him anymore

Psshh, I could give a shit less about him...RIGHHTT..thats why you're still thinking about him now..

And I can't deny it. I do think about him a lot from time to time but at least I'm not sad and depressed thinking about him.


Also...I'm not really sure but I think my friend who I treat like my brother hit on me o.o
He said "we should hook up when I get back to Virginia. Our moms would be so happy"

and I wasn't really sure what to say to that..considering he just turned 18 and thats definitely illegal.


ohh well, not like I'm ready for another relationship.
I really don't think I am or was either.
To me, finally being ready for a relationship is knowing what I want
& I simply do not know what I want

That doesn't work, does it?
It's almost 3 am now and I plan to wake up early, go for a run to 'condition' for field hockey then go to work

soooo, I think I'll end my rambling and go to sleep :)